Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Sweet Driving Songs Ep. 6: Miles Davis' "The Doo-Bop Song"

In our world of digitally constructed music, listening today to songs with freakin' MUSIC INSTRUMENTS will not take you very far with most people. However, if ya wanna trick them to listen to jazz without them complaining, Miles Davis got your back. A little bit before his death in 1991, Miles got together with rapper-producer Easy Mo Bee to revolutionize jazz for one last time. The result was "Doo-Bop". Miles would improvise on his trumpet while ESB would produce the proper, old-school hip-hop beats with a bit of his rapping sprinkled on a few songs. The result was, in my eyes, one of the most unique hip-hop albums ever made. Even if you never see it in the hip-hop polls, it's a hidden gem of a record. Here, you have the Picasso equivalent of jazz playing with a guy who produced records for Biggie Smalls and 2pac. So, you know it's quality music. "The Doo-Bop Song", as its title suggests, is quite representative of their project which is why you should give it a shot. Trust me: it's good stuff!


Just in case you ever questioned Miles' car taste






Sunday, August 5, 2018

Oldtimerfarm Adventures: A Farm You'd Love To Live In

My fellow readers, lets be honest for a second: farms aren't exactly the most enjoyable, let alone the most fragrant places in the world. They're either quite industrial, especially those ones filled with chickens in every millimeter of the buildings, or traditional and low key. However, if you ever visit Belgium and want to check out a farm to make your jaw drop or even spend a few thousand bucks on some toys, "Oldtimerfarm" is the place for you. Why's that? Oh, nothing much except that the animals are replaced with around 350 CLASSIC cars. This is the car guy equivalent of Garfield going to munch in the food court and deciding to stay there forever and ever, trying out every single car in the lot and feel like Jay Leno for a little bit.


Macho Renault
  "Oldtimerfarm" is located around 70 km away from Brussels. But if you're staying in the more southern part of the country, don't fret because Belgium is more or less the size of a toy car mat. So, in probably three hours tops, you're there from the furthest part of the country. The compounds of this antiques megastore is separated in three enormous, interconnected warehouses with a workshop hiding somewhere inside. As we entered the parking lot, there was already a quite uncommon vehicle in sight: a Renault R2087, also known as "The French Unimog", that was used by the French Army. When compared to the civilian equivalent, this baby came with four-wheel-drive, as well as superior ground clearance. It's even equipped with an axe in case you have to cut trees or decapitate someone in the battlefield, zombie-killa style. Probably one of the most robust and capable Renaults ever built.

Room n.1 (a)
  When you set foot inside the warehouse though, the atmosphere is a little different. In the entrance, you'll notice a few old Landies, as well as a Belgian rip-off of the same rig, from the company "Minerva". However, if you walk straight ahead, you'll enter a gigantic room, containing around 80-100 cars. Right by the door, there's a Maserati-powered Citroen SM, with a Citroen DS "Chapron" cabriolet sitting next to it. Probably the best thing about a DS cabrio is the ride. I was trying to imagine how it would feel, floating over any imperfection on the road, while resting on probably the most comfortable-looking seats in any automobile...with the wind in your hair. The rest of the room is separated in three main parts. On your right, you'll notice a few Alfas (Guilias, GTVs and a couple Montreals), Mercs (mostly SLs) and Porsches (mostly 993s). In the center double row, they have various English cars, such as Jags (XK120/150), Austin Healeys (3000, 2000 and a Healy based kit car, the "Jamaican"). Finally, on your left, you see quite a few 60's/70's 911s and a few 356s. There's even a Delorean.

Look at how small it is!
  One car that really caught my eye was on the left corner of this large room. Next to a vintage sports bike, I think, was an Abarth 1000 Zagato, a very rare jem. It’s a little lower than the motorbike, a testament to how small the car is. The roof has a couple of bubbles for more headroom. The “trunk” *(where the engine is located) also has a gaping bulge. To finish off, in classic Italian style, the 1000 has magnificently flowing and unbroken lines for 50s-60s aerodynamic purposes. This beauty could be yours for only 75k… bargain! A couple of other honorable mentions of awesome cars in the first part are a 600hp, gutted and aggressive  Ford Sierra RS Cosworth with a reduced asking price of only 20k (which I think is an awesome price). The second is a 70’s 911 with 935 bodykit and 610hp, turbo flat-six with the tallest functional spoiler/air intake I’ve ever seen on a road car, as well as its incredibly fat rear tires. Moving on!
  
Art Deco Rides
  The second part of this heavenly dungeon included lots of Art Deco American cars, muscle cars, people’s cars (such as a 2CV, a Fiat 500, a VW T1 Bus,..) and European ones preparing for sale. The old US rides were awe inspiring. There were a few woodies, making you reflect upon its probably troublesome maintenance. The dashes and the grilles were always filled with plenty of chrome, in different shapes, sizes and shades. Every single part of these Chevys, Pachards, De Sotos, etc was either metal or glass, but rarely plastic. People sure liked pretty cars in the old times and they got them! From the Euro side, you had a few Fiat 500 wagons, at white/blue VW T1 and even a turbo Merc 190E Cossie. A further away, you’ll see a Martini Delta Integrale, a 911 police car (most expensive cop car ever), a 911 GT2, you get the picture… crazy cars!
  
The exclusive cars room and Vadim
 To finish our little tour of this house of awesomeness, we went to the third and final part of the warehouse. It was the “exclusive” (expensive) car corner of Oldtimerfarm. It stored Ferraris (575, 612, Testarossa,..) in quite a large variety of colours. With the Fezzas next to one another, you have a jaw dropping “palette” of quality paint jobs. Of course, there were a few Lambos (Diablo, Countach, …) and few more supercars that I can recall. Among ALL of these pieces of machinery of extraordinary beauty, right in the center of the room, is a 2CV. However, it’s not any 2CV. It’s a Safari version, which means that, Citroen being Citroen, put TWO engines in it. Instead of a trunk, you have an engine and a fan. It’s super quirky BUT it costs 115k… for a 2CV. How about an Integrale with low miles and a rare shade of blue? Only 110k, sir. How about an E30 M3 Evo? Pfff, forget it!
   In conclusion, I have to say that Oldtimerfarm is THE place to go if you visit Belgium. I got to see buttloads of classic cars, take my time to observe them and even check out rare rides for the first time in the flesh. It was an extremely refreshing experience and I highly recommend it!
  
 *A few ways to call the engine compartment when found at the rear of a car. A word similar to "frunk" (front-trunk). Here's a very probable phrase in which this word will be used:

"Hey man! Why don't you pop the...":
 "trood" (trunk-hood)
                                                             
 "hunk" (hood-trunk)
                                                             
 "hack" (hood-back)
                                                              
"hoock" (hood-back)
                                                              
"bonnack" (bonnet-back)
                                                             
 "babon" (back-bonnet)
                                                              
"mobabox" (motor-back-box)
                                                             
 "baboxine" (back-box-engine)
                                                              
"trunkbon" (trunk-bonnet)
                                                              
"kolaraki" (just a word I invented) ;)






Room n.1 (b)
Survival Tools
Simple and rugged


Gotta love the SM



The Jetsons' ride, if they were french

Super clean Mini

Cool side mirror assembly


Air Grabber!

I love the Delorean's stainless steel shine

The "Jamaican", the 3000 and the MGB

Sexy Austin-Healy

Jaaaaag XK150 

Psycho RS

The perfect lunchtable

Sweet 911

Whale Tale

Dat Dish, Tho

The ridiculousness of this wing make it uber cool

Meyers Manx SR

"Everybody's gone surfin, surfin USA"

Imagine driving your kids around in this instead of an XC90

What a magnificent dash!

Real Woodie

Amazing grille


The steroids did their work!

I really, really want one

'Vette Duo

Double Kombi


The craziest 2CV ever

Rear engine fan
Or do I want this one?


How the E30 was turned to the M3


Thursday, August 2, 2018

"The Driver" Review: It's Not About The Money, Bruh

"I have to escape the cops" look
 
Once again, my fellow readers, I welcome you to another theturborocket movie review. Today, we're going to discover  "The Driver" from 1978: a film that has a cathartic effect on our car chase fetish. If you're reading this, you know what I'm talking about. You can't be a petrolhead and not LOVE car chases... and a good'un almost always has to involve the coppers. Like "Two Lane Blacktop" (check out our review on that), the main character is called, you guessed it, "The Driver" (Ryan O'Neal) and he doesn't talk a lot. However, since "The Detective" (Bruce Dern), who talks a lot, is trying to frame our man, he has to outsmart him in some way. Our main character's job of a getaway driver for first-rate criminals gives him ample money to live comfortably. He doesn't do that, though. He lives in a miserable, little apartment, his only personal belongings being his clothes, a portable radio and his gun. This means, of course, that he does his job only for the kicks. Wouldn't you? I think you probably would. All he does is make a deal, steal a car, get the baddies and escape the cops with sick driving skills.


  This is more or less the beginning of the film, where "The Driver" gets away from the cops in a 1974 Ford Galaxie 500, with which the cops'll manage to get a lead on him. "The Player" (Isabelle Adjani) has seen our hero's his face while helping out the crooks. As she's being questioned by the popos, she doesn't snitch on him and indirectly becomes his sidekick... for a price. "The Driver" manages to clear out this time. The cop, on the other hand, really wants to catch our guy who's addicted to driving like a lunatic. If you actually watch the film, you'll notice how he uses the baddies as an "excuse" to go on a driving streak, while making fuckloads of unused bucks on the side. Anyhow, the cop decides to hire a few second-rate burglars who he caught stealing a supermarket 'cause of their shitty driving. He wants them to burgle a bank, recruit "The Driver" and bring him with the money to a set drop point. Or else, they'll go to jail.

  One night, the crew meets up with our man in an orange 1970 Mercedes 280S at an enclosed parking lot. They ask him to show them his skills and he certainly delivers. Without uttering one single word and the baddies begging him to stop, "The Driver" brings the Merc to the brim of destruction. My guess is that he wanted to prove a point: even if the car's totally fucked, we're still getting away. Then, him having worked with many crooks, turns down their offer for recruitment, knowing of the risk awaiting him if he had accepted. After a short "talk" with one of the criminals, "The Driver" takes the job for double of his usual share. They do the job, the arrogant cop waiting for them to arrive at the drop point. But, this being the underworld, no one shows up. "The Driver" along with one of the baddies, "Glasses" (quite the 70's character naming inventiveness) escape in a '77 Pontiac Firebird and got to another drop point. The amateur crook tries to kill "The Driver" and leave with the money but his plan backlashes. Our hero has the moneyz and leaves in a red Chevy C10 with SIDEPIPES!! (YEAH! ROCK N' ROLL, BITCHEZZ!)

Hard driving + land yacht= amusing
  Nevertheless, let's cut to the chase (no pun intended, but it happens). "The Driver" puts the money in a locker at the train station. The cops want to snatch up the briefcase so they can finish-off their framing. "The Player" is a poor-ass, young, cute chick who wants money 'cause her job is "Doing Nothing". The last crook to be alive wants the money as well. And "The Driver" just wants to drive like a lunatic again. The last car chase is epic. It's between "The Driver" and the chick in the C10 against the last baddie and his friend in a '74 Pontiac Trans Am with a paint job best described as "puketastic". I love how the car chases, of which all take place at night, are so hypnotising without any dialog. Even better when they add a little bit of jazz in the most suspense filled scene. If you pay attention to the driving techniques he uses throughout the film, it pays off in the end. "The Driver" is confronted with the baddies in a warehouse with quite a few pleasurably stealable cars (an old Merc, a light blue Mustang), if I was in his situation. They "play" chicken, "The Driver" being flawless at this game. The baddies go on a crazy barrel roll and our hero gets the key to the briefcase which the crook had stolen earlier. Nevertheless, I'll spare you the end because it made laugh my ears off!

The Merc being sacrificed to the stuntman gods 
 In conclusion, I just noticed that the two movies that we've discovered so far both have main characters that are called "The Driver", don't talk a lot, live very cheap and around driving like madmen, don't have a girlfriend and star in excellent car movies. I haven't ever seen a film filled with so many excellent car chases/ car stunts. Sure, it's not overflowing with dialog. But, in the laconic way that "The Driver" expresses himself, he adds more depth to the message he wants to pass on. To be honest, if I wasn't living in our "blip-bloop-bleep" car era that is the 21st century and instead in the 60's/70's (pretty sure I'd fit right in), I would've become a getaway driver. No doubt about it. Your whole life revolves around being the best at escaping the coppers, while having your adrenaline pumping at surreal levels. I'm super positive that if you have Chris Harris like driving skills, you're ready. It's probably the petrolhead equivalent of a heroin addiction.  It's self destructive and makes you feel amazing. "The Driver" is an underrated movie. Even the plot is quite intriguing and surely had me at the edge of my seat quite a few times. Compared to a more mainstream car movie, "The Fast And The Furious", I find "The Driver" as a superior car movie 'cause it really lets you savour the action. There aren't any ridiculous gazillion gearchanges, NOS, neon lights, shouting and hip hop music. Simply a demonstration of jaw dropping driving skills and natural sounds effects. It's a beautifully pure and straightforward movie. Watch it!